Thursday, April 8, 2010

Blogging My Sorrows Away. . . .

Well, today was the day.  We went to the school to register Keaton for Kindergarten.  We were there for about 30 minutes, and he had gone through 2 of the 5 or 6 stations he needed to go through only to find out, when his preschool teacher happened to walk in, that we didn't need to be there at all, since he already attended preschool there.  Oh well, Karis had fun terrorizing the place haha!

If you know me, you know how hard it was for me to send Keaton to preschool.  I know it's only 2 hours a day, but it was, in my point of view, the beginning of the end.  And now, starting in August, I have to send him away, all day, everyday, to be influenced by people I don't know, and have experiences I know nothing about.  He's not mine anymore.  Not just mine anyway.  I have to share him with the world, and hope the world treats him well.  The poor little guy will only be 5 years old, and will have a full time job.  What saddens me even more is knowing that there is no going back, and that I'll only see him a few hours a day from now on.  He will keep these hours until he leaves me for good in about 13 short years, that will pass as if they were just minutes.  How did the time go by so quickly?

My son, being my first born, taught me to love in way I never thought possible before he came into my life. Never have I known such love, joy, laughter, pride, frustration, guilt, the whole gammit of emotions, on steriods, all wrapped up in one little round face.   The feelings I have for him, I have for no other person on earth.  He's my baby, my first born, my buddy, my stinkeroo, my sweety pie, my big-time-tooter, my peanut.  My son.... my only son..... and it's time I let him go.

Please stand by as I cry my eyes out. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

sniff...ok...
They took him away for a hearing test today, and when he returned he said to me, "Mommy, I was bwave (brave)!"  I thought to myself, "oh boy, if a simple hearing test in another room is cause for bravery, how in the world is he going to survive all that he will experience in the next few years."  He'll be fine, I know he will.  But it breaks my heart to think of him being scared.  Keaton's such a sweet, tender hearted little boy, a little more sensitive than most, but so was I, and I found my way.  He will too.  I just wish I could hold his hand through every bump and turn, but I can't.

I'll survive this, I suppose.  Most moms do,  About the time I get over it, it will be Karis' turn.  The thought makes me shutter.  Meetings, therapists, IEP's, not just a simple "sign up" for Kindergarten.
So, I think I'll focus on enjoying this one, the "easy one", and try to put on my bravest face for my son.

On second thought, I think I'll just sign myself up for Kindergarten and go with him (age discrimination is illegal right!)

1 comment:

Beth said...

Awwww. You made ME cry! I feel the same way with Lauren going to school next year. It sucks, but I know that the time I will have with Avery by herself will be really good, and Lauren will make friends and learn so much!